"Everything happens for a reason!" It’s one of those phrases people say when they don’t know what to say. When we say it about a positive situation, it’s usually a lighthearted acknowledgment of a blessing or achievement.
By itself, the sentence is innocuous enough, a truism about cause and effect. But when applied to hardships in life, its underlying assumptions can inflict more pain on one who is already hurting. Two main ways it can be understood are (1) “everything happens for a good reason” and (2) “everything that happens is God’s will.” The sunny certainty of the phrase minimizes suffering or grief; its finality shuts down meaningful conversation; and the implication that I would hurt less if I knew the reason behind a devastating event pushes me to look for answers rather than look to God for comfort.
Reasons or Consequences?
An Internet meme pokes fun at this saying: "Everything happens for a reason—and sometimes the reason is that you make poor decisions."
We often live out the effects of good, bad, or neutral decisions. A student forgets to study for a test and gets a low grade. Spouses forgive each other after an argument and improve their relationship. The decisions of others also affect us, like a driver cutting you off in traffic. And of course, we often experience consequences from the overlapping decisions of multiple people or even of an entire society. Many small decisions by many people over time lead to bumper-to-bumper traffic in some areas but empty roads in others.
In Numbers 13, the Israelites are poised to enter Canaan, the land that God has promised them, and send out spies to scout out the land. Ten of the twelve spies give fear-filled reports of impenetrable cities and people who looked like giants. The other two spies encourage their people to take over the land, because God will go before them and strengthen them.
The Israelites must make a decision: do they obey God and enter the land, or do they give in to their fears and rebel? In Numbers 14, the people refuse to enter the land. Thus, they spend forty years in the wilderness, only returning to Canaan after the rebellious generation dies. Their extended wilderness time happened for a reason—their own poor decision to rebel against God.
God's Will Against Human Sin
The unspoken reason in “everything happens for a reason” varies by belief system: karma, luck, hard work, genetics, God. Christians often mean something close to: “Everything that happens is God’s will.”
Unpacking that assumption requires making a distinction between different categories of God’s will. God allows many things that He doesn’t want, namely sin and its effects. In Genesis 3, Adam and Eve rebel against God, thus opening the door to sin, evil, sickness, and death. We can rightly say that it is not God’s will for humans to sin. Sickness, death, violence, hunger, disasters, and evils of all kinds are the rotten fruit of Adam and Eve’s disobedience.
Here we get into murky waters, the question of why a loving, all-powerful God allows this. Whole libraries of books have been written on the subject, and we’re certainly not going to come to a satisfactory answer here. But the distinction between what God allows and what God wants has helped me during difficult times in my life.
When I miscarried; when friends and loved ones died too young; when my kids’ friends were hospitalized for mental health issues—did God make these things happen? Did we do something to deserve it?
Jesus’s followers asked Him a similar question, and I take comfort in His answer:
There were some present at that very time who told [Jesus] about the Galileans whose blood Pilate had mingled with their sacrifices. And he answered them, “Do you think that these Galileans were worse sinners than all the other Galileans, because they suffered in this way? No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish. Or those eighteen on whom the tower in Siloam fell and killed them: do you think that they were worse offenders than all the others who lived in Jerusalem? No, I tell you; but unless you repent, you will all likewise perish.” (Luke 13:15)
Evil, tragedies, and sickness happen, and which person suffers or dies does not depend on what that individual deserves, “for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God” (Romans 3:23). We are all sinners, and we are all subject to the vagaries of a fallen world.
Finding Hope in God, Even When It Doesn't Make Sense
Because of sin and its effects in the world, not everything that happens is what God desires. Where, then, do we turn for hope when we can’t make sense of what’s happening in our life?
God does not directly cause everything that happens to us, but God can and does work for our good in everything—even in unexplainable tragedy. Romans 8:28 says, “we know that for those who love God all things work together for good, for those who are called according to his purpose.” By itself, this verse sometimes feels pretty close to “Everything happens for a reason.” But a few verses later, we get a wider and deeper picture of what “all things” might include.
“Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? As it is written, 'For your sake we are being killed all the day long; we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.' No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us . For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord." (Romans 8:35-39)
In persecution, in all sorts of danger, in tragic events and terrible diseases, God still works to bring about good. Sometimes we can see it, especially in hindsight. Sometimes it’s hard to see, especially in the middle of grief or suffering.
Let’s replace this confusing platitude with the simple, unvarnished truth: No matter what happens, God deeply loves us. He demonstrated His love through Christ crucified. We often don’t know the reasons for the painful times in our lives, but we cling to Jesus, who knows suffering and sorrow and who walks with us every step of the way. We don’t know the reason He loves us so, but we can rest securely in His grace.
Discover more common self-help phrases and how you can redirect them to offer true help and comfort in God's Encouraging Word.
