Healthy youth ministry extends past the congregation and into teens’ homes. When we considered what young people need, Scripture, research, and youth leaders all pointed to parents as paramount. Parents are gifted with the role of primary instructor and example for their children in the Christian faith. In healthy youth ministry, engaged parents are seen as partners. Youth leaders communicate, support, and train parents as together they look to help young people be disciples for life.
We talked with DCE Blake Brockman about how he partners his youth ministry with parents and supports their engagement in their teens’ faith lives. Brockman is the director of youth and family ministries at Peace Lutheran Ministries in Antigo, Wisconsin. Blake is passionate about finding practical ways to walk with God, innovating in ministry, and mental health. He loves his wife, Hannah, sports, breakfast food, tacos, and being creative with writing and being creative on his YouTube channel.
How have you partnered with parents in your youth ministry?
Like many youth groups, we ask parents to be adult leaders and to attend weekly youth group and youth events. They come to meetings and help plan, evaluate, and execute events, fundraisers, and more.
However, we also partner with parents in more flexible ways. We invite and encourage parents to donate snacks, drinks, and meals for our weekly youth gatherings. We invite and encourage parents to help with large-scale fundraising events like an Easter breakfast. We have parents chaperone events from time to time—which is different from being an adult leader in our church with less responsibility.
We also invite parents to share their feedback on events and programming. For example, our church started a middle school youth group in 2017. Since then, we have gone from two events all year to one event a month, two events a month, and now weekly. Through that, we have changed times, days, and more after gathering feedback from parents. This has led our group to have forty-plus sixth through eighth graders weekly, which we have seen encourages parents to donate food, snacks, and drinks because they see the need. Hopefully it leads to parents wanting to help at events!
What are some of the reasons parents might disengage from youth ministry? How can we keep them engaged?
Parents are typically disengaged because they are busy. I have never talked with a parent about helping with youth ministry—or any ministry really—and been told, “I don’t want to.” The most common response I hear is, “I’m busy.” They have kids in sports, 4-H, dance, band, some kids have jobs but can’t drive, and so much more that requires parents to drive their kids around. Parents are also asked to volunteer for those groups, activities, etc. Parents are leading booster clubs, advisory councils, boards, and more. Oh, and most parents have jobs and personal lives of their own.
I’m becoming more convinced that the church needs to be flexible and approach this topic with a grace-filled posture. Yes, we 100 percent need adult leaders who can be there week in and week out, be the point person, and do all of those things. But what if you had a large pool of background-checked parents who pop in and out as their schedules permit? What if we included or created roles for parents that are more flexible, like ride-sharing, donating meals, and more? I believe we need to remember that a parent who reads the weekly text or email about youth group is engaged. Are they as engaged as John who is an adult leader and never misses youth group? No, but it isn’t a competition, and I don’t need everyone to be John. Overall, I think many churches and their leaders need to be ready to play the long game when it comes to getting parents engaged. The best way we can help parents stay engaged is to start small and be understanding of what is going on in their lives.
Parents often struggle with the many demands on their family’s time. How do you help them navigate through that while encouraging them to prioritize worship and youth ministry?
The most helpful ways I’ve found to encourage parents to prioritize worship, youth ministry, and being active in the church is to be straight up with them and partner with them.
Think about the “traditional” confirmation experience for a second. Kids meet sometime in the week with their pastor or DCE. They sit in a classroom setting and listen to the pastor or DCE give a lesson. The lesson could even be interactive and super engaging. The kids receive homework, memory work, and more. But where is the parent in this scenario? Dropping off and picking up their kids, typically, without much thought about any homework that needs to be done. That’s the opposite of what is on the cover of the catechism.
That model of ministry, which isn’t just in confirmation but also in Sunday School and even youth ministry, creates a culture where parents do not need to prioritize being involved. Someone else is already doing it, and they have other things they can get done.
To help encourage parents to be more involved, we have changed not just confirmation ministry but also Sunday School to be more family-centered. Parents and confirmands do homework together, then the confirmands are taught by their teacher. Our Sunday School has parents stay with their kids the entire time. Parents and kids sing songs, study a lesson, and do a craft together. We’ve also been diving into the world of digital ministry to give parents quick and easy-to-use resources— like meal prayers and silly songs—that they can use at their pace.
Since we started actively partnering with parents, we have seen more engagement from them. However, changing that culture is hard. We’ve been at it for six years now. We have had to clearly articulate to parents why this is needed, how it benefits them now and long term, and what the expectations are. Many times, the church is bad at communicating the expectations we have, let alone the ones God has, in a way that is clear and brings people to action. But being honest with them, sharing stats with them on the long-term benefits they and their children receive when they are engaged in the church, and clearly laying out the expectations is needed just as much as— or even more than—changing the format of programs.
How can congregations support parents and develop a supportive community for them?
Providing an avenue for parents to feel supported would be a great place to start. Personally, I am really fascinated with the idea of the church leading and hosting parent support groups. We need places where parents can come together, share what is going on—the good, bad, and tragic—and receive support and guidance from God’s Word. Perhaps adding something like this to already existing and thriving programming would be a good first step.
I think what is important in all of this is to find out what works in your context—in your church and community. Ask parents how you can support them in mind, body, and spirit. Ask parents what they want to learn about. This will help you innovate ways to speak into the lives of your parents.
Blog post excerpted from pp. 92–94 in Seven Practices of Healthy Youth Ministry © 2023 LCMS Office of National Mission—Youth Ministry, published by Concordia Publishing House. All rights reserved.
For more interviews and actionable advice for building a strong youth ministry, check out Seven Practices of Healthy Youth Ministry.
