It’s Okay to Lean on Others

After five years of infertility, I was finally pregnant. Six weeks later, I had a miscarriage. It was devastating. Why had God let me down this way? I had unknowingly fallen into thinking that if I was a “good Christian,” God would give me what I wanted. And when it didn’t happen, I sank into grief and bitterness. Holding on to faith seemed more painful than letting it go.

The problem was, the One that I blamed for my pain and grief was the same One that I wanted to turn to for comfort. I was living in Peter’s question in John 6:68: “Lord, to whom shall we go? You have the words of eternal life.” As I processed my grief and hurt, I began to focus more on the life of Jesus. What if I had gotten the Christian life all wrong?

Sharing in Suffering

Looking at my suffering through the lens of Jesus’ life changed me. Jesus knew pain—both physical and emotional. Jesus knew grief. Jesus prayed for His cup of suffering to be removed, but He still surrendered to God’s will. What if Jesus was not far off from me but wept with me in my loss like He did with Mary and Martha when their brother died (John 11)?

I slowly gave up my anger and my sense of entitlement. To live in a fallen world was to experience loss and pain. Jesus knows that better than anyone, as He carried our sins and griefs to the cross. Being a believer does not guarantee an easy life. In fact, Jesus promises the opposite: “In the world you will have tribulation,” He tells His followers in John 16:33. “But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

Indeed, the first Christians expected and even welcomed suffering. In 1 Peter 4:12–13, the disciple writes this:

Beloved, do not be surprised at the fiery trial when it comes upon you to test you, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice insofar as you share Christ’s sufferings, that you may also rejoice and be glad when His glory is revealed. 

For Peter, sharing in Christ’s sufferings was a cause of joy, not anger or despair. The key word here is “share.” We do not ever suffer alone—Jesus walks with us. He shares His love and strength with us, and in some small way we share in His suffering on the cross.

Dependence on Jesus

I wince when I hear a sentiment like “God will never give us more than we can bear.” As 1 Corinthians 10:13 promises, God “will not let you be tempted beyond your ability” (emphasis added), but Scripture says nothing about limiting our trials and suffering in this life to what we can bear alone.

We can feel crushed under the weight of suffering, grief, and other effects of a fallen world. Great tragedy or illness can certainly be unbearable, but only if we try to get through it without help.

[Jesus said] “Come to Me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke upon you, and learn from Me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls.  For My yoke is easy, and My burden is light.” (Matthew 11:28–30)

Western culture prizes independence as a virtue, but Jesus invites us to a life of daily dependence on Him. He helps bear our heavy load and lightens it with His grace.

Learning to Lean on Jesus

Learning to depend on Jesus takes a lifetime. But we can nurture habits of dependence to help us lean on Jesus in good times and bad. Daily prayer, even something as simple as praying the Lord’s Prayer or Luther’s morning and evening prayers, refocuses us on God instead of ourselves.

Reading, studying, and memorizing Scripture makes space for the Holy Spirit to work in us. Many Christians find that the Holy Spirit brings to mind words from the Bible—even those they memorized long ago—in times of decision-making or times of suffering. Immersing ourselves in God’s Word helps us to remember and rely on God’s love, strength, and forgiveness.

We also need companions in the journey of faith: our brothers and sisters in the Body of Christ—the church. Again, the secular value of independence can get in the way of interdependent Christian community. We often jump to serve others in need but try to hide or deny our own needs. But we need each other—not just to bring a meal when we’re sick but to remind us of the truths of the Gospel. When our faith grows difficult, when doubts creep in, when it is hard to pray, we can lean on God’s people to remind us of God’s love and care for us.

We were not created to live life in our own power but in joyful dependence on Jesus, who lived, suffered, died, and conquered death for us. He has proved trustworthy. He has demonstrated His love for us. He opens His arms and invites us to lean on Him.

Scripture: ESV^®.

Start a Bible study to learn how to lean more on Jesus and those in your community with Deb Burma’s Leaning on Jesus.